Frida Kohla

Getting ready to head off to bed.  I have a strategically planned weekend off - a rare and wonderful occurrence in the ZES world.  I have gotten to pretend to be a "real" person this week-weekend.  A real person, a real wife, a real friend.  I've gotten to eat breakfast and lunch with my family and friends, plan a and enjoy a last minute BBQ, and even enjoy a movie.  All things I only get to do a few times a year as my other weekends are dedicated to my Zumba Trainings.  Though I love teaching the new instructors and watching the lights pop on throughout the day, I do miss weekends like this.  It's difficult to strike a balance between ZES machine and human being.
However, before bed tonight, I've watched a movie about Mexican artist Frida Kohla.  She was a strong woman who embodied both the feminine and masculine, the extreme and mundane, the conservative and truly odd.  And in her own words she was a "Cripple".  She was in a trolly accident in her early 20's and lived a life of excruciating pain.  The movie was both inspirational and too real.  It's funny, people often remark to those who are sick or have pain at how amazing or inspiring we/they are.  And, when you're on the other side; you're just trying desperately to live your life.  To keep your nose above water.   To fill the days with something other than doctors, medicine, and how "you" feel.  I'm so sick of "myself", my thoughts, and how I'm feeling,  I could just scream.  
It would be remarkable to me if I didn't have days or even weeks where I laid on the couch or in bed and did the bare minimum to keep my life a float, in between my periods of great accomplishment.  If I didn't pull away from my friends and turn inward but rather stayed open and connected even when I felt overwhelmed, sad, or hopeless. 
But, here I am, enjoying a wonderful spring weekend and having one of the best times of my life.  Good night.  Can't wait to see what happens in the daylight.
P.S. On a light workout schedule this weekend - we hit it hard on Monday.  Just some walking planned for Sunday.