Woke up this morning no fever! Yea! Am getting going with some work - emails, paperwork, etc. Then we pack the car, drop off some books to donate at the library. Next - DMV to fix my missing license plate sticker that fell off over the winter in the cold weather. All before 2 when I need to pick up my assistant and drive to Michigan for my Basic 1 and Basic 2 zumba trainings this weekend. Fun, fun, fun. I still have a sore throat and a little weak feeling, but I think I'll live to dance another day.
Am still on the getting organized kick so I don't have to feel so behind in "getting things done"; and I can give myself a break and stop beating up on myself. I think most people are hard on themselves and beat themselves up - it gets a little hard when your husband hops in the mix. It must be hard to see me laying about in pain all the time and even more difficult to reconcile that with what he wishes I could do and then to see some things not getting done and intellectually knowing that I'm in pain and I should be resting, but not fully understanding seeing me resting so frequently. I understand his frustration, but it just beat up on myself even more. Would love to hear some positive reinforcement from him, with time maybe.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Hot, Hot, Hot
Woke up today with fever of 102! Fun! I had a sore throat and headache yesterday and thought - uh oh! And today look out. Feel like hell, this explains why I've been so tired the last few days. It's such a challenge to figure out when I'm sick, when things are normal, or when I'm just being lazy. I am constantly judging myself and often angry that I didn't get more done in a day because I have trouble learning what my "new" life restrictions are. I remember what I used to be able to do and I expect to be able to achieve on that level most of the time. Logically I know that's silly, but psychologically and emotionally it's super hard not to beat up on yourself.
On a positive note I was able to walk the dog every day this week (.75 miles - 1.25 miles) even though I've been sick. And I missed lifting weights and doing legs on Monday but I did lift yesterday (about 50% of my normal). So, not bad for a sickie.
I'm off tomorrow to teach a double header in Hastings, MI this weekend. We'll see how I feel in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed!
On a positive note I was able to walk the dog every day this week (.75 miles - 1.25 miles) even though I've been sick. And I missed lifting weights and doing legs on Monday but I did lift yesterday (about 50% of my normal). So, not bad for a sickie.
I'm off tomorrow to teach a double header in Hastings, MI this weekend. We'll see how I feel in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Inspiration
It's amazing that there is so much inspiration everywhere you look. This weekend I listened to Dr. Laura's radio talk show and she talked about how to find inspiration and let that be the fuel for the "grit" that get's you through life. Then I watched "Invictus" and was awestruck at how Nelson Mandela brought a country together.
No matter your goals, surviving cancer, getting through depression, finding the drive to get up everyday and face work and your family, lose weight, live with chronic illness and pain - the stumbling blocks and emotions that get in our way are the same regardless of the struggle.
Sadness is sadness no matter the cause. Even though society puts more "value" on life threatening illness over everyday struggles, the emotions that hold us back are the same - and so is the cure.
Our job as human beings is to find inspiration and attack life and relationships with everything we've got to give every day. And when we fail at that assignment, we don't beat ourselves up - we recover and go at it again.
Inspriation and grit are the 2 ingredients to a life full of experience, fulfillment, value, accomplishement, and relationships. In Zumba Beto Perez teaches us that you have nothing without Passion and Perseverance. No matter what you name it, the result is the same. We must find something in life to focus on to help inspire us - keep our passion burning. And we must have "grit" to persevere regardless of what we FEEL like we want - we must keep on.
We make our own lives and our own happiness. If you wait for inspiration or until you FEEL like it - you'll never reach your goal. You must create your own inspiration and feed your passion with what you find in everyday life. For those days you don't feel inspired, then that's when "grit" and perseverance come in.
For Nelson Mandela he found inspiration in a poem to get him through his days - years in prison. The poem is called "Invictus" and in the movie by the same name President Mandela said that the poem "Invictus" .."Helped me to stand when all I wanted to do was lay down.". This was so meaningful for me. For me that was Zumba, Zumba helps me to stand when (the pain gets so bad) all I want to do is lay down. However, inspiration is funny - it doesn't always work, it isn't always with you - that's when we perservere.
What is your inspiration? What are you trying to accomplish?
I happen to have a long list. I have goals as a Zumba professional and educator and as a fitness professional. I also have goals as a friend and wife. And, the topic of this blog is my personal fitness goals.
I've lost 45lbs. My goal is 55lbs. I've gone from a 12+ to a 4-6. And I want to increase my lean muscle mass and have killer arms, abs, and legs. So, despite the pain we do what we need to do.
Monday was my first day back to my fitness regimen after a day off on Sunday:
2 mile walk 1:00 pm
Pull ups, Chest Press, Bicep Curls, Tricep Push Downs, Upright Rows 6:30 pm - 7:00 pm
Zumba Toning 7:10 pm - 8:10 pm
Walk the track and talk with a friend and do 4 - 1/2 track laps of lunges 8:20 pm - 9:00 pm.
Today -Tuesday - Recovery:
1.5 mile walk
15 push ups - 5 at a time in between emails throughout the day (the best way to train - a bit at a time).
See you tomorrow!
Invitus:
by William Ernest Henley:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
No matter your goals, surviving cancer, getting through depression, finding the drive to get up everyday and face work and your family, lose weight, live with chronic illness and pain - the stumbling blocks and emotions that get in our way are the same regardless of the struggle.
Sadness is sadness no matter the cause. Even though society puts more "value" on life threatening illness over everyday struggles, the emotions that hold us back are the same - and so is the cure.
Our job as human beings is to find inspiration and attack life and relationships with everything we've got to give every day. And when we fail at that assignment, we don't beat ourselves up - we recover and go at it again.
Inspriation and grit are the 2 ingredients to a life full of experience, fulfillment, value, accomplishement, and relationships. In Zumba Beto Perez teaches us that you have nothing without Passion and Perseverance. No matter what you name it, the result is the same. We must find something in life to focus on to help inspire us - keep our passion burning. And we must have "grit" to persevere regardless of what we FEEL like we want - we must keep on.
We make our own lives and our own happiness. If you wait for inspiration or until you FEEL like it - you'll never reach your goal. You must create your own inspiration and feed your passion with what you find in everyday life. For those days you don't feel inspired, then that's when "grit" and perseverance come in.
For Nelson Mandela he found inspiration in a poem to get him through his days - years in prison. The poem is called "Invictus" and in the movie by the same name President Mandela said that the poem "Invictus" .."Helped me to stand when all I wanted to do was lay down.". This was so meaningful for me. For me that was Zumba, Zumba helps me to stand when (the pain gets so bad) all I want to do is lay down. However, inspiration is funny - it doesn't always work, it isn't always with you - that's when we perservere.
What is your inspiration? What are you trying to accomplish?
I happen to have a long list. I have goals as a Zumba professional and educator and as a fitness professional. I also have goals as a friend and wife. And, the topic of this blog is my personal fitness goals.
I've lost 45lbs. My goal is 55lbs. I've gone from a 12+ to a 4-6. And I want to increase my lean muscle mass and have killer arms, abs, and legs. So, despite the pain we do what we need to do.
Monday was my first day back to my fitness regimen after a day off on Sunday:
2 mile walk 1:00 pm
Pull ups, Chest Press, Bicep Curls, Tricep Push Downs, Upright Rows 6:30 pm - 7:00 pm
Zumba Toning 7:10 pm - 8:10 pm
Walk the track and talk with a friend and do 4 - 1/2 track laps of lunges 8:20 pm - 9:00 pm.
Today -Tuesday - Recovery:
1.5 mile walk
15 push ups - 5 at a time in between emails throughout the day (the best way to train - a bit at a time).
See you tomorrow!
Invitus:
by William Ernest Henley:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Frida Kohla
Getting ready to head off to bed. I have a strategically planned weekend off - a rare and wonderful occurrence in the ZES world. I have gotten to pretend to be a "real" person this week-weekend. A real person, a real wife, a real friend. I've gotten to eat breakfast and lunch with my family and friends, plan a and enjoy a last minute BBQ, and even enjoy a movie. All things I only get to do a few times a year as my other weekends are dedicated to my Zumba Trainings. Though I love teaching the new instructors and watching the lights pop on throughout the day, I do miss weekends like this. It's difficult to strike a balance between ZES machine and human being.
However, before bed tonight, I've watched a movie about Mexican artist Frida Kohla. She was a strong woman who embodied both the feminine and masculine, the extreme and mundane, the conservative and truly odd. And in her own words she was a "Cripple". She was in a trolly accident in her early 20's and lived a life of excruciating pain. The movie was both inspirational and too real. It's funny, people often remark to those who are sick or have pain at how amazing or inspiring we/they are. And, when you're on the other side; you're just trying desperately to live your life. To keep your nose above water. To fill the days with something other than doctors, medicine, and how "you" feel. I'm so sick of "myself", my thoughts, and how I'm feeling, I could just scream.
It would be remarkable to me if I didn't have days or even weeks where I laid on the couch or in bed and did the bare minimum to keep my life a float, in between my periods of great accomplishment. If I didn't pull away from my friends and turn inward but rather stayed open and connected even when I felt overwhelmed, sad, or hopeless.
But, here I am, enjoying a wonderful spring weekend and having one of the best times of my life. Good night. Can't wait to see what happens in the daylight.
P.S. On a light workout schedule this weekend - we hit it hard on Monday. Just some walking planned for Sunday.
However, before bed tonight, I've watched a movie about Mexican artist Frida Kohla. She was a strong woman who embodied both the feminine and masculine, the extreme and mundane, the conservative and truly odd. And in her own words she was a "Cripple". She was in a trolly accident in her early 20's and lived a life of excruciating pain. The movie was both inspirational and too real. It's funny, people often remark to those who are sick or have pain at how amazing or inspiring we/they are. And, when you're on the other side; you're just trying desperately to live your life. To keep your nose above water. To fill the days with something other than doctors, medicine, and how "you" feel. I'm so sick of "myself", my thoughts, and how I'm feeling, I could just scream.
It would be remarkable to me if I didn't have days or even weeks where I laid on the couch or in bed and did the bare minimum to keep my life a float, in between my periods of great accomplishment. If I didn't pull away from my friends and turn inward but rather stayed open and connected even when I felt overwhelmed, sad, or hopeless.
But, here I am, enjoying a wonderful spring weekend and having one of the best times of my life. Good night. Can't wait to see what happens in the daylight.
P.S. On a light workout schedule this weekend - we hit it hard on Monday. Just some walking planned for Sunday.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Gotta Love Mornings?
Good Morning All!
Morning are always the toughest time for me, and I suspect for many ill, in pain, or healthy. As a kid you're taught a schedule and you won't realize until much, much later in life how important learning to keep that schedule is to the health of your life and your psyche.
Getting up, getting dressed, starting your day is essential regardless of how you feel, learning to keep a schedule and stick to it with good old fashion grit is a life skill up there with eating, drinking, and breathing. It brings with it accomplishment, pride, and opportunity and sweeps away wasted time and shame.
After I became sick; mornings became exceptionally hard. I would be woken with some of my worst pain of the day. It would often take hours and many pills to get me to a place where I could stand long enough to shower. After my last round of shots last week - I'm at a place where physically I can just get out of bed and go (painfully - but possible) and I'm finding that being out of the "get up and move it" habit for the last 5 years is making this seemingly simple task very tuff.
However, the inner satisfaction and sense of accomplishment from showering, dressing, and doing my hair and make-up (regardless of how I feel) is immense. And it affects everything else I do that day. Will I be productive and get my work done? Will I have the drive to get ahead on my work? Will I stick to a healthy eating plan or pig out on take out and candy? Will I work out? The answer to all the questions starts the moment I put my feet on the floor.
When I was a little girl I used to read the "Little Golden Books" and one of my favorites was about the day in the life of a little girl who got up and helped her mommy cook breakfast, clean, make a pie for dinner, iron, etc. I know it seems silly and archaic (especially to feminists), but I had a working mom and I longed for days filled with house hold stuff like that. It wasn't the kind of work that tickled my fancy, it was the schedule and the accomplishment that made me feel special.
So, I'm starting my own "Little Golden Book". I've found schedules take some time to work themselves out, you can try to force them, but they sort of have a mind of their own. But I do know mine will start with a shower, clothing (no pjs or sweats), hair, and make-up NO MATTER WHAT.
How does your "I've accomplished my goals" schedule start?
Morning are always the toughest time for me, and I suspect for many ill, in pain, or healthy. As a kid you're taught a schedule and you won't realize until much, much later in life how important learning to keep that schedule is to the health of your life and your psyche.
Getting up, getting dressed, starting your day is essential regardless of how you feel, learning to keep a schedule and stick to it with good old fashion grit is a life skill up there with eating, drinking, and breathing. It brings with it accomplishment, pride, and opportunity and sweeps away wasted time and shame.
After I became sick; mornings became exceptionally hard. I would be woken with some of my worst pain of the day. It would often take hours and many pills to get me to a place where I could stand long enough to shower. After my last round of shots last week - I'm at a place where physically I can just get out of bed and go (painfully - but possible) and I'm finding that being out of the "get up and move it" habit for the last 5 years is making this seemingly simple task very tuff.
However, the inner satisfaction and sense of accomplishment from showering, dressing, and doing my hair and make-up (regardless of how I feel) is immense. And it affects everything else I do that day. Will I be productive and get my work done? Will I have the drive to get ahead on my work? Will I stick to a healthy eating plan or pig out on take out and candy? Will I work out? The answer to all the questions starts the moment I put my feet on the floor.
When I was a little girl I used to read the "Little Golden Books" and one of my favorites was about the day in the life of a little girl who got up and helped her mommy cook breakfast, clean, make a pie for dinner, iron, etc. I know it seems silly and archaic (especially to feminists), but I had a working mom and I longed for days filled with house hold stuff like that. It wasn't the kind of work that tickled my fancy, it was the schedule and the accomplishment that made me feel special.
So, I'm starting my own "Little Golden Book". I've found schedules take some time to work themselves out, you can try to force them, but they sort of have a mind of their own. But I do know mine will start with a shower, clothing (no pjs or sweats), hair, and make-up NO MATTER WHAT.
How does your "I've accomplished my goals" schedule start?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Blog 2
Taught a fun Zumba class tonight. It's amazing what proper pain control will do for a girl's energy level. Didn't get those lunges in - but did do the push ups and pikes in. OMG. I'm just a few pounds and muscles away from my ultimate goal - lost 45 lbs so far and July 7th and the ZIN Convention is my goal/deadline. But I've been grazing my weight in sugar lately as a response to the stress from my recent pain spike (13 weeks of pain at a 7 - 8.5 on a 10 scale). Now that my body is starting to recover thanks so massage, chiro, acupuncture, pain meds, and injections on a regular basis - my psychy is the only thing left trying to recover. Going grocery shopping in the morning to get more clean fruits, veggies, and protien in the house!
Time to hit the sheets - sleep is a huge factor in pain management and recovery in a fitness program. See you all in the am.
Time to hit the sheets - sleep is a huge factor in pain management and recovery in a fitness program. See you all in the am.
1st Blog
Hello to Everyone! (Well, OK technically no one...yet),
Today is the first inaugeral post for my new blog. It's been an interesting life and now I get to post it on the internet one crazy thought at a time ... YIKES! This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes ago.
For those chronic pain/illness folks out there, I'm on a upswing I've had a few weeks of sheer hell and now I'm starting to feel better. So the task of getting my life back on track begins. Getting work back on task and on time, clean out my email box, update my Facebook page, and get my workouts back onto regular patterns again.
We just adopted a dog 3 weeks ago - so I'm garunteed a short walk daily. Today is a 2 mile walk with 50 lunges, 10 push ups, 25 pike crunches, and 1 Zumba class.
Will check in tomorrow with an update and maybe a little drama or fingers crossed humorous musings. TTFN
Today is the first inaugeral post for my new blog. It's been an interesting life and now I get to post it on the internet one crazy thought at a time ... YIKES! This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes ago.
For those chronic pain/illness folks out there, I'm on a upswing I've had a few weeks of sheer hell and now I'm starting to feel better. So the task of getting my life back on track begins. Getting work back on task and on time, clean out my email box, update my Facebook page, and get my workouts back onto regular patterns again.
We just adopted a dog 3 weeks ago - so I'm garunteed a short walk daily. Today is a 2 mile walk with 50 lunges, 10 push ups, 25 pike crunches, and 1 Zumba class.
Will check in tomorrow with an update and maybe a little drama or fingers crossed humorous musings. TTFN
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